Her hands felt lighter in mine…I was about to turn away, close the door and say goodbye but for some reason my fingers lingered, my eyes darted and my heart wasn’t ready to let go. There I stood, in a moment so fragile, a moment encompassing a person’s story, her life, her love, her sadness. Here I was, privy to her faults and insecurities, her curves and kisses, I wasn’t ready to let go.
But she was.
Our hands fell to our sides and i looked into my palm. I looked at the empty spaces between my fingers and a star burst above me. Our eyes met and in that instant I watched as i re lived the first time we touched, the first time i felt literal sparks inside of me when she laughed. I watched as i re lived our first fight, the first time she sobbed an apology, the first time i forgave, the tenth time we whispered secrets, the hundredth time she breathed ‘I love you’ at the back of my ear, at the corner of my mouth, at the nape of my neck, at the opening to my soul.
She blinked. She brought us back to the present.
Shards of winter found their way inside of me. Some place within my heart began to ache. I felt my body choke. I was letting go.
We were letting go.
We were letting go of each other, letting ourselves free, giving ourselves space, disentangling ourselves from our past together; stepping and walking, cautiously and afraid, into a future empty of one another, into a place far, far away.
Our promises dissolved before us, the word forever wept as our plans for eternity disintegrated in our presence.
We moved away from each other and with each step i took my ribs strangled my soul, with every step i took my world cried out to me and the universe shuddered; but I walked away..’cause we were letting go.
We were done and we were over, we were moving on, stepping into the future; we broke up and my whole is a half. Gotta change my story, change my past, unlock old secrets to new faces and find new love in strange fucking places.
She was done and we were over, she was moving on and stepping into the future…
She was done so we were over, I’m not moving, just battling the future…